My story
What does it look like when God flips your story? When He puts His hand on your shoulder and says: “I’m going to sideline you for a while to work on your game… your life… your heart.”
If your life is not going so well when God flips your story, that’s a good thing, right? But, if you are seemingly at the top of your game when God flips your story, it can be devastating, especially when life as you know it starts unraveling before your eyes and there is nothing you can do about it.
Actually, I guess there is one thing you can do but it requires making a choice. Either do as Job’s wife suggested he do when God flipped his story: “Curse God, and die.” (Job 2:9) or trust God and live! By God’s grace, I chose to trust God and the fight for my life began.
When I was first diagnosed with a life-long incurable disease, CVID (Common Variable Immune Deficiency), I didn’t know how I was going to survive with an immune system that was broken and deficient… but God did.
He also knew that I was going to become sicker, weaker, and more dependent on others, but His grace is sufficient for me, His power is made perfect in weakness. (2nd Corinthians 12:9) and that I would learn in time that “when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2nd Corinthians 12:10).
I have to admit that soon after my diagnosis was confirmed and I started receiving treatments, I sought the Lord fervently in prayer and through His word because, quite frankly, I didn’t want to die. I begged God to heal me and restore my life for many reasons but, most importantly, I wanted to be around to take care of my mom in her later years. My dad had just passed away a couple of weeks before I was diagnosed and I knew my mom would need me. However, at the time, I had no way of knowing that my mom would be stricken with Alzheimer’s disease, but God did, and through His mercy He answered my prayer. I eventually became strong enough to become her full-time care giver and what a blessing that was to both of us.
Prior to that season, I was just trying to stay alive and life, as I knew it, suddenly came to a halt. No students, no social interaction, no income, no cure.
So, I literally sat down, learned to pray, and waited for the Lord to heal me.
I remember sitting for hours, day after day, week after week, on my back porch recovering from an illness, broken bones in my feet, RSD or some type of surgery. The treatment that God was using to heal me were infusions that I received every five days which also made me sicker, weaker, extremely tired, and caused a lot of pain. The only thing I could really do was sit, pray, and read the Bible or an inspirational book about the Lord, and then write in my journal the prayers, thoughts, and all that I was learning about God.
This season lasted for about three and a half years. For some people it may have seemed like I had an isolated existence, but I was never alone. I clearly remember leaving a space for Jesus to sit beside me, and He always did. Also, my dear husband was always close by to care for me and do whatever was necessary. After three years of watching and waiting, he still recalls the first time he saw me walk down four steps to the pool deck by myself to tend to my plants. He knew in his heart that the healing process had begun.
In retrospect, this healing process was a long but glorious time as I came to really know my Savior by sitting at His feet. The more time I spent seeking the Lord in prayer and through His word, the more He revealed to me how much He loved me and longed for me to have a relationship with Him. He didn’t flip my story to punish me, but rather to give me the best life had to offer . . . more of Himself so that I could know Him more and make His Name known.
He spared my life for a purpose, for a high and holy calling, and in fact, my suffering and constant afflictions weren’t about me at all. He knows that in order to use me, the Spirit of God needed to do a work of sanctification in me so that I could be transformed and used as a vessel for His Love and Glory to be poured out on others. Once I learned that my suffering had a purpose, I found peace. I was honored to be chosen and used by God for the good of others and for His glory. All that I had been going through was somehow worth it.
Through this Refiner’s fire my heart was reignited for the Lord and honestly, I couldn’t get enough time with Him.
The more time we spent together, the closer we grew as He became my first love. Quietly and daily, the Holy Spirit began teaching me so many things, the most treasured of which were the most beautiful songs that I had ever heard—each one springing forth from the Word of God and revealing different truths about who God was, and His plan to heal, comfort, deliver, and save me as well as others who put their trust in Him.
As the songs came to me, I would teach them to the handful of students that God had allowed me to continue teaching. Although I was too weak and sick to sing the songs myself, my students would sing them for me, far more beautifully than I ever could have or even imagined hearing them sung but just as meaningful, each student was beautifully woven into the story of the magnificent masterpiece of my transformed life.
As time went on, Jesus continued to meet me on my porch, or at my piano, where the Holy Spirit taught me many more songs and blessed me with new students to sing them—the culmination of which can now be found in the three albums Fulfilled, Robin in the Rain, and Childlike Faith.
And now, after living with CVID for over 12 years and approximately 900 treatments, God in His Sovereignty has not yet chosen to technically cure my disease.
However, He has healed me from more illnesses than most people would have in a lifetime, renewed my strength, and restored my life. I am, in fact, a walking miracle!
As a matter of fact, the last time I was at the hospital (caring for my mom) and told an infectious disease physician about my diagnosis and how long I have survived without an immune system, he looked at me, took a step back, and said: “Wow, you’re still alive!” I actually laughed and said: “Yes sir, I am” and pointed straight up!
In Romans 8:11, Jesus said, “If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.” He did, and He does, and now this life that I live is for Christ and His glory. “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us,” (Romans 8:18) when one day we see Him face to face.
God never promised that this life would be easy, but if you surrender to Him… it’s worth it.
"And He said to me: My Grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me...
for when I am weak, then I am strong."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Latest Single
Music
We would love to hear from you